A letter to my single childless friends

When I became pregnant with my first child, I was told quite a lot by other moms, and my maternity books, that my social life would change. It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out, I thought. And one of the aspects everyone told me would change the most is how often I see my childless friends, and how they would treat me. In short; they would no longer find me interesting and they would vanish from my radar, or I would do the same to them. That scared me, because most of my friends were not parents.

And it also made me mad, that all these people, and all these books thought that they knew my friends better than I did. It turns out they had no idea.

The people who have been there for me the most, have been my single childless girlfriends. Changing their agendas, so that they can accommodate mine, because they knew how hard it was. Bringing me fresh flowers, because it was November and the sun set at 2 pm in Sweden and it was too cold to go outside with a newborn. Bringing me cheesecake and magazines just to brighten my otherwise isolated days. Coming by when I just wanted to break down, to cook (!) for me when I didn’t ask them to, because they wanted to help out in anyway they could. Holding my hand during all the post-partum medical procedures and complication nobody tells you about. Asking me how I am and cuddling with my child, making the both of us feel special. Taking me shopping, and complementing my new body.

I never found that cozy mom group I could hang with. I find the concept strange that I would suddenly bond with strangers, just because we all preformed a basic evolutionary task at the same time. I found an excellent mom group online, with strong diverse women, who I could ask stupid questions about maternity, and that was enough.

So no, my single childless friends did not leave me, did not treat me different, did not avoid me. And I did not find my feelings towards them any different either.

They lifted me, they embraced the new me when I had difficulty to, they made an effort to keep me in their life, and they earned an even more special place in my new life.

So from the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

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