Dear Dictator (relax it’s charlie chaplin in the picture). So, you have gotten tired of living and ruling a horrible country. You want people to welcome you like they do obama and nelson mandela, not chase you like your pal, you know that guy from the middle east.
We’ll here are 10 tips for you how to make them love you and turn your country upside down, and from developing to developed!
1: Make sure everyone in your country can read! If your people can read they can get educated and those nasty developed countries can’t fool them to give away your resources. They’ll feel empowered and confident. Now, don’t protest I know you want them submissive but hang on, you want them to love you. So, free schools for everyone!
2: Make sure that everyone shares the wealth. I know you love your palace, but you can survive with one. If you make sure they have somewhere nice to live they will feel safe and able to use their newfound reading skills.
3: Clean water! Proper pluming and agriculture! Make sure your people eat, poo and produce in comfort. If they have resources, they won’t wage wars and destroy your expensive cars and it will make your country self providing. Imagine, no more bananas from some pesky country taking way too much money.
4: At least pretend to listen! Have many meetings and give away cookies! People love it when their rulers listen to them and they love cookies. If people trust their rulers they will do anything for them, and I know you’d like to read at least something positive about yourself in the newspapers and foreign blogs. Why else would you be for censorship if you didn’t have a bad self confidence.
5: No censorship! Make sure that you have freedom of speech in your country. If people criticize you, don’t shoot them. Invite them to a meeting and give them cookies. Cookies can solve anything.
6: Separate religion from your politics. That way you can make people buy more stuff, you know, you could invent public non-religious holidays and sell merchandise and make double the money.
7: Make sure everyone is seen as an equal, cause you know women are going to make a hassle otherwise. They always do, so just get it over with, give them a vote. You do not want to meet a herd of pms monsters.That’s why you ordered that civil war to start off with (perhaps you were having one yourself)
8: Take care of your youth. Let them party and demonstrate a lot. They’ll grow out of it, but be fooled in to thinking they made a change.
9: Give your neighbours (countries) a call. Don’t start wars with them. They are fun to have parties with.
10: Don’t grow a mustache, wear colourful outfits and smile a lot.